[solved]Sanctuary

Yeah I got a glimpse of Fortissimo, and I was surprised(after seeing Evil Sound so much it was an improvement) but I'm still yet to see Megadeath. If it's disappointing, It'd be better if I didn't see it. I had to work a little harder to come up with a creative design for it according to the description on the wiki so it's better that way.
As for Chapter 7, I decided to keep the name the same. The content will follow the original content as usual, but with a few tweaks. I felt there wasn't enough of an introduction to your character so I decided to make it longer. Establish the character early, increase the length of the competition etc. As for Peorth's introduction, I think I'll keep that one mostly the way it is. I don't wanna give away too much of her character right off the bat. Hers would be better developed over time. Anyway back to the story XD

the skills look boring to meh, but I guess they are a improvement to some of the skills...... somehow in some uncertain way( i guess?) lol

As for da story, just keep at it and stuff

They are kind of boring aren't they? I wanted to do something more creative with them, but I didn't want to stray from the original content too much. I figured I'd save the good stuff for later. Don't wanna spoil that lol. But anyway, as you've seen with some of the spells near the end there will be other more original content like that. Since the songs I used in chapter 7 were originally created in the game, I decided to keep them true to the definition at least.
On another note, I was thinking of giving your character a new look for Chapters 7-16. Or Sanctuary lol. Since you gave me a template for the Su in Sanctuary, I'm keeping that as it is in the first harmony, but chapter 7's Su only wore a given armor. Personally I found that a little too boring, and it's hard for readers who haven't played the game to imagine. So for the time being, I picked out a few items in the simulator to make temporary outfit. If you think it's alright we can stick to it. If you don't agree with it, just post it here and I'll use the new template. Once I type out the portion where it's introduced, I'll post it here.
link This should take you to the character redesign

As the three walked and TJ explained what had happened, somebody ran towards them and immediately grabbed TJ by the collar and violently shook him. A girl with long blonde hair, bright emerald eyes and a furious face stood before him. She wore a small rabbit hairpin in her hair, large golden hoop earrings, a violet/white striped tank top, blue denim shorts and navy blue sandals.
This is the new(temporary) outfit for Su. Fell free to change it or criticize it however you like lol. And before I forget, among the tweaks I made I decided to try and establish the character a little more. Idk why, but giving your character a more vicious (verbally) personality just seemed to work so well. So just for the fun of it, I decided to throw in some random insults like ass clown and douche nozzle. She's also a NEET now. The term fits her perfectly after she's kicked out of the castle lol. At least she's a NEET until she sets out with the party. Lemme know what you think of the changes XD

yes, yes they are.
bleh the outfit is alright I guess, don't really like the shirt or the bunnah clip so I kinda changed it linkz
an doush nozzle? wtf? I make harsher comments then that >.>
but It does fit more into my personality lol

Got it. I'll make the changes, finish off the chapter and proofread it. After that it should be posted before the afternoon rolls around XD. I did like the hoodie better but I wasn't sure if you wanted to use that as a part of your outfit in Frequency and Sanctuary so I looked for a replacement. It was still the better choice after all. There will be more random insults but maybe later they'll become a bit more mature lol. I think for chapter 8 I'll make it rated M and put a comment on chapter 7 so readers will know where to find it when the time comes. Better I make it M now than later, 'cause the two of us knew it was inevitable. way too gory to be T.

ninjas wear ninja outfits.... and hoodies :3
but yea.. the story should just be M not T, to much blood,cussing and other stuff to just be T

I was supposed to post that yesterday but I didn't do that. Too lazy to proofread and edit though, so if you see any major mistakes lemme know and I'll correct 'em. I usually do a quick read through of the previous day's work so it should be fine. Need to relax some and refresh my creative brain juices lol

you dont have an excuse to beh lazy
but it was funny, keept me laughing, till i saw
' She was relatively short '
i was like, Im not THAT short! )=
( i am 5'5, deal wit it >.>)

Stupid thing didn't post! *Throws the comp out the window*. Anyway I'm glad you liked it XD. The relatively part was to compare the sizes between TJ and Su. Though I'm only 5'8-5'9 TJ should be older than me so he would naturally be taller XD. Unless I stop growing...anyway, science!
As for the story, I'm thinking of keeping chapter 8 fairly short. I wanna spend more time focusing on chapter 9 and what comes after. Those events will have more impact.

Poor computer didn't deserve to be thrown out of a window. You need to get shorter, you are not allowed to be taller then meh >:C so stop growing.
And
I read ch.8, i think? anyway it was pretty funny, a bit weird but funny

That computer had it coming lol. This keyboard is gonna join it soon. Anyway, i decided to focus a little more on my story. It'll probably be that way until after christmas. My comp needs some more new parts before I can actually make good use of it lol. Right now gaming is a big no no.
As for Frequency, I decided to add a bit more conversation etc. usual tweaks, with a few generous spoilers from Choen Palm lol. I'm pleased with how that turned out, but when it comes to the battle I'm still a bit unsure. i wanna make it longer, but not to an excessive degree. Just enough to improve the impact of the fight. I should probably have Moran do a little more than he had originally. i feel like my first run-through was a little half-assed lol. sacrificing character development for comedy is risky. The improvements to the former hapters should balance it out though, so chapter 9 would be a lot better if it were more serious. and gory. That's one thing that isn't gonna slip by me. I think the shock factor of that will be enough to show how serious this is lol. It's kinda raunchy actually. But don't worry, i made sure to throw in the usual sharp remarks lol.

lol obviously technology doesn't like you....... at all.

thats because it was half-assed dumb-ass, but it still was good. but you need to hurry up and put more up lol

That picture was a riot lol. I laughed my ass off xD. I'm still laughing. I need to save these and add them to my ipod lol. thanks ^^. made my day a lot better than I could have imagined.
now, on topic, you are kinda right lol. The story was a little half-assed. then again, all of my previous works were god-awful. they were so bad I haven't looked back. anyway, Frequency's early days are proof of that. It had some good ontent though. 's why I didn't change it. Chapter 8 should be posted early/mid next week. I actually kinda-sorta have a job lol. next week i'll be on the job mon-wed-fri so it's gonna be busy xD. But now that I think about it...Frequency is supposed to be finished by the end of the year. I'm really cutting it close. I'll need a few reminders to step it up if I forget xD. on the other hand, if I had a half-decent keyboard I could do all my typing in my own room. It'd be nice, but that's just me thinking out loud lol. It'll have to wait.

just watch, there be a mountain of all technology crap outside your window sooner or later from your issues... lol

don't cha men ch 9? you put out ch 8, a couple weeks ago. so hurry up slow-ass

You might just be right xD. not sure if that was a link 'cause there was no link . Good news is i'm getting used to this crappy keyboard. The c is still frustrating though.
But you're also right about the chaters too lol. with all the name hanges and content changes and stuff, I've been forgetting what's what. Especially the names of the chapters. Anyway, tommorow I'll be sure to pt a few hours in. Realistically, the chapter was short. At least the original one was. I'm thinking of making it a little longer. Though i already ddi that, the fight was awfully short xD. Could use some tweaks.

Finally finished chapter 9 like I said I would xD. It's a big improvement, IMHO. I intended to work on it yesterday and finish it off prolly thrusday, but I ended up plowing through the entire thing lol. Anyway, spoilers ahead! at least, if you haven't read it yet.

Spoiler:

So with that said, until next time ^^.

it wasnt a link smart one, it was underlined...
Now it is a link :3

But I did read ch.9 and it was pretty cool, the ending was gruesome... well sorta, but it was still good. but when i read it and saw candy ass i was like wtf?

and drama burns me serverly lol

I thought it was a broken link xD. I thought wrong though. still, the random pictures you draw always give me a good laugh XD. Though lately, I've been keeping my hatred for my computer under control. It's letting me play LoL again, which is nice, so there's a little love for it there. i'll still need some new parts before I can play other games though. Btw why the hate for drama?

as for sanctuary, there's a reason Su calls TJ candy ass. I found the definition on urban dictionary, so if you haven't googled it yet, here it is. "a male who is meek and timid, shows female personality traits. basically a male who wouldn't survive outside the security of his mother's arms reach." it's a weird term, but the way these characters see each other speaks for itself lol. Nevertheless, I'm glad that you thought the chapter was good. It took me a little while to deide how exactly to end the chapter and how gruesome it should be, but that's the end product. the spell Su used, reave, took a little thinking over itself. i had considered making it like the phantasm magic she had used in the rabana fight, but since it was the Contemptuous arts, it should be more deadly than that. although, if that had gone on for eternity or did come to an end at some point, the targets would just be...meat. nasty.
Still, I do feel kinda bad for the Moran in the story. in the original he did seem a tad bit unappreciated, and though things ended similarly, i'll fix that right up lol. somewhat. Think I might have lost some readers after I changed the summary though xD. Guess some people haven't reahed scenario 7, while others don't care too muh about the story. On the other hand, Frequeny's whole story is built around a mistake I made while playing the game so it's not too bad XD.

lol it wasnt broken, your just not smart
drama burns because its stupid

and lol with candy ass
btw i really never pay attention to the scenrios unless im just bored or something, so it shouldnt really be a surprize if no one really ever cares about them. it just fails

I'm not not smart D:. I'm just a misunderstood genius. but the picture was hilarious xD. it's a good thing I'm not stupid.
Aside from that, I was thinking of changing the name of the 'Heavenly Arts' to the 'Divine Arts'. Though they sound similar-never mind that thought. they're the same. But it does sound a lot more fitting IMO. what do you think of it? As for the human's magic, I had originally intended to call it the Arcane arts, but I decided to change the name to the Ethreal Arts. Again, wonder what you think of it xD. I think you're the only person who's read the full thing so your the best opinion I could ask for lol.
But I do agree, most people probably don't play LT for it's story. The way they subtley used norse mythology had really intrigued me though. It doesn't seem to serve too much of a purpose, but it has given me some really good ideas. Aside from that, the story has a hell of a lot of faults, and not just in the awful translations.
Here's an example of that. I didn't edit it, I promise, 'cause i don't know how. i'm a writer, not a trap.

Chapter 10 is finished and posted on fanfic. Managed to finish that one quicker than I expected ^^. There are a lot of changes that I'll talk about later.

no your just a dumbass
but anyway change 'heavenly arts' to divine arts. it sounds better. keep the human magic as Arcane arts. there you have my opinion lol
they have bad translations cuz' ogplanet's translators do not read korean very well or something lol

btw i did read ch. 10, it was good. Made me sound old,with the 'golden days' thing lol, im 15 so im not old

so it did post xD. The other comp I was using didn't get the links. The picture was funny though. Besides, I already said I'm not a trap lol.
I'm glad you liked chapter 10 and to hear your opinions ^^. i'll follow them accordingly. But anyway, the reason i had SU use 'golden days' was just to make a joke out of it xD. I wanted the two to make it seem like the scene wasn't as serious as it really was. That's why right until the very end they were doing their usual banter of insults and remarks. Hopefully I struck that point home. and don't worry, I know you're not old lol.
Writing the part between TJ and Trini took quite a while though. what happened before was simpler, but it left a bit of a gap in the work so fixing it was a lot more difficult.
Lastly, what I wanted to do near the end was to make it a little more obvious that it was TJ that killed Su. since you read hapter 1 of Santuary, you know what i'm talking about xD. the original idea was that the Sound of Frequency was what had done it, to a certain degree with the help of reave (unnamed at the time). This time around after that, what killed her was that choker that appeared around her neck. TJ played a part in that too, and it'll become evident over the course of the next few chapters. Moreso from what you saw I think xD.
Anyway, there are a few things that happened that you might not have noticed. Always keep your eyes open for the things that occur, no matter how small they are. a good eye for details will piece all of frequency together, and by that I mean more than just the main story.
almost forgot xD. been thinking a little and I was really considering seperating chapter 16 into two parts and making them chapters 16 and 17 instead. I realized that 3 different chapters all took place in Elfa, so I figured the COI and elias could be exceptions too. As for the names, when the time comes I guess we'll see.

lol are you sure about that?

anyway about the killings of the killing, I kinda knew that he did, but i was never sure until the redone ch 10 lol

as for 16, it should be split in two parts, its just too damn long. as for ch 17 maybe it should be split too? It was kinda long